Axtarzialle

Hi, all of you my dear deviants ^^, I'm back just for a while. I've got tons of messages to reply , but I PROMISE I'll answer TO ALL OF THEM as soon as I can, (I'll try to do it on Sunday, tomorrow is my birthday and I think I couldn't be online for all the day). Same thing with gallery updates, (I still couldn't manage to find the time to use the scanner to upload some WIPs ¬¬), adding new favorites, comments on art I like, and llama returns

I'm so sorry for this long absence , but it was due all the things I have to do (and buy) for the holiday week between Christmas and New Year (BTW, I hope all of you have had a spectacular Christmas and New Year!! ). After Christmas I've spent long time practicing with my new tablet, and I already have one picture to submit (I'll upload it as soon as I decide what to do with a possible new signature and waterprint, but probably I won't change them after all, I don't have enough patience these days ¬¬). Also, I finally got back on my novel n.n, finishing the chapter 2, but as I still have enough inspiration to continue, I thought I'll be writing for some time more, and working with new pictures in the spare times.

See you for now, it's too late here, and I'm feeling sleepy... Good night...

For once I have lost the only hope that I have been advertising for a thousand times in : receiving a graphic tablet for Christmas .

There was a couple of days ago when my mom asked me what would I want for Christmas. I was surprised as I've been answering to that question with the same thing through all last years, but in view of my expression she clarified me that she won't buy any tablet now. For once I felt that the only assurance I ever had on this matter vanishes in the air. She explained that it was my dad who has said that he'll only buy a tablet when the college asks me for the correct one. That's valid, but if that's so, what should I ask? A game? A stubborn voice on my mind refused the idea of waiting for more time, months or even years, until getting the correct level as a digital animator for deserving working on my own tablet. I replied a game, but my mom knew that I still don't like the idea. Our discussion was necessary for me to know that she knew how important was it for me and how many years I've already accepted to wait for a neverending "next year" for it. She ended up offering me buying me one sooner, maybe not exactly for Christmas, but with her own money, as I have to promise that I will REALLY use it... but that's something I was really sure of.

I tried to send a mail to the Digital Animation educational centre of the college, asking for which one was the proper tablet for us, but my two attempts got sent back to me as it seems that the adress didn't exist anymore. Fortunately I received a mail of GlobalMac, saying that they have discounts on tablets and other stuff for academic purposes. Lucky me!! That was the perfect chance!!

Yesterday, we went to that GlobalMac shop as my mom put me as a requirement that I should go and choose the best one for me. The shopkeeper was a very nice guy, he showed me the very well known Wacom Bamboo, the one which featured as my main option, the Intuos4, and the Cintiq, the "monster" (as the shopkeeper called it and all large tablets.) That was the first time I ever use a tablet, and the enigma of how they really worked melted away. He told me that probably I would require a couple weeks to get used to it, as himself with his Bamboo. But he recommended me the Intuos4, taking as reference his wife, who told me she was a digital painter (and well,... the Cintiq seems to be SO MUCH meat for a beginner ). I picked the Medium size of the Intuos4 and showed him my registration paper of the university.

We left happily. Me because I finally have in my hands the key to the Digital World... of arts, of course , and my mom because it was sooo much cheaper than she thought, believing that I would pick the large size. Now is on my wardrobe. I had to promise that I won't ever open the package until Christmas... that's so cruel. I hardly can resist!!

Rwaitveln: So... now that you finally got the tablet... which of us will you colour first?
I don't know ... Let's wait until Christmas first!
Rwaitveln: Hmm... hope you remember that you've suspended a picture in which I appeared ¬¬
I've suspended a picture about Azryonth too, but differing from you, he hadn't have put any pressure on me.
Rwaitveln: Well, that's just because is Azryonth

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PS: Maybe she doesn't know how much she helped me, but thanks a lot to for her support on choosing Graphic Tablets xD. I didn't have even heard about the Cintiq, and didn't really know the difference between a Bamboo and an Intuos4 until she took me from my ignorance. So THANK YOU VERY MUCH !!

To whose who read the past journal in which I said that I must gave an exam on November 30th, well... I'm sooooo glad to inform that I've been accepted in the university !!!! The LOOOOONG text next is related of what happens that day, but of course, you don't have to read it, I'm writing it more for myself to remember it better . I know that this could be one of my most boring journals for anyone else but me. This little paragraph is enough for you to know what happens after all of that odyssey.


As I supossed I hardly could sleep that night. That always happens to me when there's something important event waiting for me on the next day. I was so nervous. I've got some problems with the clothing and the cell phone, but at least I could confirm my assistence before the line failed definitevely. I arrived to the university with my mom and grandma. It was about 35º Celsius degrees. I entered the registration office and say good bye to my mom, then filled the first paper with my personal details. There was a question about why I think that my career choice was right... I should have answered: "Because I'm 18 and I'm too childish for any other serious career" xD. I should wait for a couple minutes drinking a little can of Sprite they gave me until they called me to receive the paper and give me a sticker in which features my name and the career "Digital Animation". Then they said to me I should went out and wait until the exam starts. As I tried to pin the sticker on my T-shirt and searched for a trash can for the empty Sprite, I remember how apathic and timid I was in school and the remote fear of that happening again at university came back. I take a quick look at all the café, and picked a lone bank. It's still so warm, even at the shadow of the parasols. I'm still having the same problem to give the first step,... I always think that I'm disturbing. Anyway, I saw that two girls left the table they were using and I moved there. There was a bit more fresh. After calling my mom to tell her I was about to gave the exam, I opened my bag to take out my iPod. But I only could see the funny face of Impmon in my DT cover "Play or fight" as the wallpaper when a girl came and asked me if she could sit there. I nodded and put the iPod away to my bag again. I didn't expect it, I thought I wouldn't have that luck on a day in which making new friends isn't the priority, but we started to talk immediately. She was about to study something like fashion design, I'm not sure of the correct name of the career in english. She made me notice that her pin was green, and mine was black. I haven't repaired in that all careers have stickers of different colours, how cool! After that, I looked at all the people to search for my future classmates... and rivals, as she said.

We didn't need to wait too long until a guy called us and we followed him and all the group of newcomers like us upstairs. There was a few lines of chairs in front of a table with blue tablecloth and two pannels with the university's logo and a black speaker. They gave us a little pot of ice cream and we sat on the edge of a raised flower bed near the rail of the stairs. I'm not sure of how much time we should wait. It has passed 1 hour since we've arrived, and nothing still happens. We thought that there are gonna be a conference, but as people still arriving to the floor it won't ever start. We tried to have some fun trying to guess which colour belongs to which career basing on the behaviour of the applicants. The ones with the light blue sticker seems to be the most extrovert ones, and the possibilities pointed to Dance or Theatre (Theatre was the correct). Since a few minutes ago, there was another girl standing next to me. I've noticed she had the black sticker as me, but I wasn't sure of what to say to include her to the conversation. I think that the university didn't think that it would be so many assistants, and all seats were already picked. Then my new friend Ximena offered me her ice cream, because she didn't really want to eat it, but I couldn't accept as I was fine with my own. And even if the standing girl don't want it too, the ice cream was the excuse to keep talking to her. She told us that she wasn't of the city, and that she would like to study the same career as mine, even if her sticker said another speciality of the Digital Communication, maybe because she have received the wrong sticker.

At last what we thought was a conference started, but the teacher just say a few rules before starting to call us to give the first part of the exam: the psycological one. I wasn't that afraid of that one as I was of the Talent one, but when talking to Ximena at the café she make me notice that it may enclose some kind of discrimination, and the fear of being too crazy and unusual for the career blown up. Ximena left before us and left with her group. I talked to María José as we wait for our turn. She was afraid of the Talent one as me, as she has got some problems at drawing hands and feet as she confessed me. I was afraid of being asked to draw any free thematic, because under pressure I often couldn't do anything, and if something of my own creations... would be hard without a reference of their details if creatures, and I'm still a bit clumsy to draw humans without a Manga Anatomy Tutorial. But then we were called to give the first part of the exam and join to the group of future classmates.

There was about 10, mostly men. We were taken to a computer room downstairs. The psychological test was so odd, because there was 225 questions asking the same -so I remember the funny series "The Big Bang Theory" that my mom and I were watching last days. She have said to me that she didn't think that my psychological test would be that long as the one with about 250 questions about himself that Sheldon gave to his friends to answer. I knew that my mom would find it funny when I told her that was hardly as long as that one xD-. It consisted in just a few concepts that we have to chose for our most favorite one in all possible combinations with the others. They mostly was about work and friendship,... but there was a few invasive ones that made me feel rather awkward. One question was if I like to be in love. I choose the other one... does being in love with a fictional character counts this time? xD I thought it doesn't, it may make me look too crazy even for a Digital Animator supposed to like fictional characters. After the question 150 I was feeling dizzy. There was always the same concepts. I was the last but one in finishing, and I don't know how I managed in finding the way back to the superior floor, as my bearings aren't that good. The last boy in finishing reached me to ask me if we have to return to the same place. We went upstairs together and I found María José again. We didn't have to wait too long this time for the second part of the exam... the Talent one.

For that one we were taken through a real labyrinth until we reach a room very up above, with a steel sheet in the door which said: "Digital Animaton Room". We picked two tables and received the exam, a graphite pencil, an eraser and a sharpener. "1 hour wouldn't be enough for finishing this" a voice whispered to my hear, and I started to read the instructions. The first part was a surprise, because they asked me to draw nobody else than the famous Homer Simpson. Having a reference of him calmed me down, but the fact of making 6 drawings of him, and a short story didn't. "How could I make the frontal, 3/4 frontal, profile, 3/4 back, back, and a scene of a quick made story in 1 hour?" I read the instructions a lot of times before starting to draw as fast as I could. I made the first 5 ones first, and checked the second part of the exam, that was about bearings in space. Those were some confusing activities in which they showed me a main pattern and I should chose the one of the 4 options which was exactly the same as the original one but rotated, there was others of making mental cubes with the right pattern and something like Tangram. When I got the story, it was about 10 minutes left. I have thought in Homer having bad luck when meeting a black cat. How I thought in that? Well, I don't know, but I wasn't fool enough to let go the possibility to fill all my test. In the instructions they specified that one must write clearly and in block letters... Block letters, yes... clear writing... not exactly. Who can write well with pressure? At least, not me. I stopped writing for a moment to draw the scene with Homer and the cat, and continue with the text. When I finished I noticed that the teacher was waiting only for me, and all my classmates has already finished. I asked her if it was necessary to shade the drawings. She said yes, that the shading and the quality of the lines influence in the results. She gave me the chance to finish it well and gave her my exam to her office. But I wasn't feeling that lucky for that as I felt desperated and frustrated for my unbelievable slowness. I shaded all Homers as fast as I could... but the vivid images on my head of the characters I've drawn and shaded without pressure left the Homers as if they were rough sketches, not even the half of good of what I'm sure I can do without pressure, and the fact of not doing my very best because of my slowness and that my Homers could look too ugly for the university to admit their drawer filled me with anger. After a few minutes of shading, I picked my bag, the tools and the exam and went out of the room.

I wasn't really paying attention to the teacher's office directions, but it wasn't hard to found it anyway. When I hand it in, I heard that some teachers were talking about a boy of whom have been told to drew bad in paper but does good in digital arts. So I couldn't get with nothing more creative and useful for me as a way to retrieve my bad drawings of the exam than saying: "I've done them fast"... Fast? I was the last one, how could I ever do them fast? ¬¬ I left the office and searched the way back to the main café to return home. But I get lost and asked for directions with a girl of a group of dancers. I get lost again at the middle path back and I remember how much I was afraid of university's countless corridors since my dad took me to meet his old university... more of a castle than a university, and even bigger than this one. I walked round in circles trying to remind something that could serve me as a reference to find the way back. I managed to do it and I'm proud of staying calm as I think I wouldn't ever be in that situation. I found my mom and grandma at the café, buying three cans of Coke-Cola. My mom seems upset. It wasn't hard to know why, because all the exam experience took 5 hours of waiting, bearing the heat, the hunger and thirst. I wondered why they didn't bought something to eat and drink before, and they replied that they just couldn't eat or drink anything knowing that I couldn't buy anything (even they thought that way when I told them I have already drink a little Sprite can and eat some ice cream). I seem upset too. I still thinking in my exam. We sat outside to drink the Coke-Cola and I talked with them about how frustrated I felt of knowing I didn't show the very best of me. My mom and grandma tried to cheer me up, saying that if I won't be admitted there would be because it's not the right university and career for me... but I didn't want for that to happen.

Back home I could do anything else than thinking in those exams. I was afraid of being crazy and bad enough at drawing for being accepted. I tried to make fun of the situation saying that in the eventuality of failing the exam, I'll hate Homer Simpson for the rest of my life xD. But when the night came the fears returned and I couldn't resist to cry out of angryness. But that helped me a lot, I felt more calmed and I could sleep well. The next day, after 4:00 PM, I knew the results. We were getting ready to went shopping. My mom called the university without telling me she would, and begged for some information -I should have went that day to the university to claim the results, but I didn't want to go again when remembering the heat-. I think she must have begged so much, because the secretaries aren't allowed to give any kind of information for anyone else who weren't the student. She entered to my room saying: "Congratulations, you're now part of Uniacc". I was in shock: "I approved?" was all I could say. I couldn't believe that. The next day I went with my dad to the university to claim my results. It was hard to find a car lot. There, the secretary gave me an envelope. Inside was a sheet with my results. In the psychological test they said I have optimum qualities for the career. But what attracted my attention immediately was the result of the second exam; it said 86% - EXCELLENT. 86%!? That was too much for my poor Homers... Until today I can't believe I got that high percentage, even when the secretary told me that 3 of the Digital Animation newcomers failed and the teachers were one of the most demanding ones of all.

I feel happy now... very happy now. I'm eager to start soon, and show that I could do it even better ^^.

Maybe it's too soon for doing a compilation of the good new things of the year as it's still November, but I think I should. When November dies, it'll start a new life for me, and the new house, new desk, new dog, new car,... would be achievements that wouldn't be as transcendental for what's going on on 30th November.

Tim: Are you sure that a car it's not that significative? I'd love to take a drive on the new one, if you ask me... I have to say it, it's really cool, and you know that I specially like dark colours on vehicles... and you can't deny that you like it as soon as you saw it in the car park yesterday, you have a big grin on all your face for all the rest of the day . You know that you should totally learn to drive next year.

I know Tim, I can't deny it. And I can't say I don't like all the other good things I've mentioned, but... nothing of those things I've expected for them to happen anytime. Those are stuff that my family have acquired, not me. I've waited all my life for what I should do this wednesday... an exam. The exam that may be the first step for what I'd be the rest of my life: the named DACC (in Chile), that'll say if I'm good enough to study the career I like in the university I want to go. And even if this exam is a bit different for this case, because it's a psychological test and a talent exam, I'm so nervous. Nervous as any person would be in this situation and as any have been, and the thoughts of not being capable of it are always lurking around. Talent? I really think that Talent is a word too big. I always do my best in any kind of art I tried, and I know I could do it even better. I'm sure of what I can do when I'm not pressed, but I don't know if all of that is enough to being called a talented person and be enough to be a good start for the career I like.

Heinz: I was nervous on the admission exams too... in all of them, and even more in the final one for the graduation. But all of them has got something that tastes like... bittersweet, as you try to show that you're capable to overcome all the obstacles.
Tim: Bittersweet? You just are talking as the chef Milo does.
Heinz: You can't know how it tastes because you've never been in an important exam in all your life!
Tim: I've been. I went to the music academy when I was younger, and you know it.
Heinz: Of course I know it, you still playing your instruments in the floor when I try to watch TV! But you're not a musician, are you?
Tim: ... That's would I wish T.T.
But Tim IS talented. I'm sure of it.
Tim: No, no, I'm not.
Heinz: Oh my God! You both should try to have more confidence in yourselves! You both are doing good in your areas.
But "good", is enough?
Tim: Sometimes it doesn't matter how many times people told you that you're good, if you know that you could do it better. And when you're doing what you like you don't care of being the best of the bests in the area, as you care in enjoying it and keep improving. The first step to start to believe in what others said, is to convince oneself of being good enough for it when it's required,... but sometimes it's harder than it seems.
Heinz: It's hard, but you know very deep down that you're capable to do it.
Well... yes. I have to do it, I don't know how, but is a must. Not just for me, but for you, all of you... for seeing scenes like this animated on a short film someday, made by me. I have to fight for it.